personal experiences
We work with many different people in many different ways. Experiences range from a workshop of a few hours in a group setting to intensive one-on-one therapeutic relationships that can last anywhere from a few weeks to a few years. Some people are looking to learn, others to heal; some want to optimize performance while others want to unite themselves with the infinity of being. Despite the seeming distance between these approaches, the truth is that all of this is possible - perhaps only possible - when we connect more deeply with our own primal natures.
While every person is unique and each experience has it’s own flavor, it can be helpful to hear a bit more about how other people have experienced our time together. In their words you may find a reflection of something within yourself…something waiting to be revealed, awakened, reborn.
What people have said about Workshops & Expeditions:
The natural set and setting for profound transformation.
What people have said about Psychedelic Therapy
The details of therapeutic processes are necessarily private and confidential; we can only share a brief glimpse of some peoples’ transformations through some of the words we’ve exchanged. It’s important to note that these comments were NOT made immediately following an experience, when virtually everyone feels that life is amazing and forever will be. These are excerpts from conversations that were held during the weeks and months of integration post-experience, when clients have had plenty of opportunity to engage with life’s challenges and test the durability of the growth they’ve experienced.
Simply put, we are not interested in sensationalism. We — and our clients — are dedicated to profound and lasting change.
What follows are a few brief testimonials, and below are more detailed anonymized case studies that describe the contours of transformation in greater depth.
Case Studies
Here you can find anonymized case studies that describe the contours of clients’ transformation in greater depth; these are real stories from real people, but with a few details changed or omitted so as to preserve anonymity. Their successes and limitations are utterly their own, though reading through a description of them may help you to gain perspective on where you are and what you can reasonably hope to achieve with a therapeutic process.
Person A
Background
Person A has been getting drunk almost every day of his life since he was 14; he is now in his late 60’s. He is not violent or out of control. For the most part he remains functional even when intoxicated. His memory is going, though, and his liver is too. He’s been to many forms of therapy over the years and tried to work on himself in a variety of ways, but hasn’t been able to find anything that works. He has a wife, kids, and grandkids; it’s his desire to make his grandkids proud of him that prompted him to start researching psychedelic therapy.
By many metrics his life is filled with success. He’s managed to build a career and provide for his family, but never to escape a constant sense of insufficiency that his addiction to alcohol only makes worse. He’s stopped drinking a handful of times in his life, but never for more than a few weeks. “Once I feel OK, somehow I always convince myself that just one drink won’t do me any harm. I deserve it. And then the cycle starts all over again.” No amount of material success or external validation has been able to make him feel that he is enough. For as long as he can remember he has lived his life with a deep sense of loneliness.
He is highly motivated to change, and dedicates considerable energy to seeking solutions, though he has met with very limited success. He has a good understanding of his psychology on a theoretical level, but has great difficulty in feeling; it’s as though there were an inner wall preventing him from accessing emotion. Multiple decades of substance abuse have left physiological and neurological scars. Drinking on a daily basis is part of normal social activity for his circle, and abstention raises many eyebrows. He says it is considered a sign of weakness. Capacity for self-deception is highly developed, and runs parallel with a penchant for deceiving others; I am not exempt, though he is grateful for my interventions in this area. He is eager to consider things from new perspectives and try new approaches. His wife and family are supportive.
Preparation
We spoke together on a weekly basis for two months. We focused largely on identifying the pains, fears, and judgments driving the addiction; we developed a daily physical and mental practice to help him begin to cultivate a greater sense of inner peace, and begin to respond to his emotional triggers in a more constructive manner. He reduced his alcohol intake gradually, and eventually stopped drinking completely for two weeks before arrival.
Experience
We worked together for five days, exploring a wide range of experiences in both mind and body. Plant medicine formed the center of our experience, but we also did yoga, breathwork, and strength training; we took ice baths and did long sauna sessions; we fasted, went on hikes, climbed trees, played, laughed, and cried. Significant quantities of anger and grief were processed. We had barbecues and bonfires, and spent many hours talking and writing and reflecting. We made a plan of key elements to adjust back home, and a clear roadmap for implementing these changes.
Integration
He went back home full of energy, with body relaxed and mind clear. The first two weeks were shockingly easy for him: “I feel like I’ve been living my life in a cloud until now, like everything were hazy and grey. It’s all so clear now. Why would I drink? It sounds crazy to me.” Challenges, however, did come. They always do. We spoke on a weekly basis for two months, and were able to work through a few moments of crisis that threatened to throw him back into old patterns. We remain in contact to this day; he has now reached a point where he is able to drink socially, but never a full glass. He hasn’t been drunk, or felt a need to get drunk, in over a year.
Person B
Background
Person B is a high-level athlete with about 15 years of chronic lower back pain. She is aware of the psycho-somatic dimensions of this pain, but fears that delving too deeply into the traumas that caused it would interfere with her career. She has decided to reach out because the pain is becoming unbearable even with medication, and the medication itself is affecting her performance. She has worked with sports psychologists for about 10 years, and a psychiatrist for 5. She is currently taking prescription medication for pain, anxiety, and sleep issues.
She is at a point in her life where escape is no longer an option; she is confused and afraid to enter into this process, but has accepted that there is no other choice. She is extremely focused and disciplined at what she puts her mind to doing. Her life is highly regimented, with a regimen almost exclusively imposed by external “experts” of one kind or another. She has very little practice defining her own goals or developing her own methodology for reaching them. She struggles in contexts where success and failure are not clearly defined by objective numerical standards. She experiences intense fear of losing control of her mental, emotional, or physical stability. Family is hesitantly tolerant of this process, but wishes she could just “get over it” like a “normal person.”
Preparation
We agreed to three preparatory calls, spread out over 12 weeks. Some progress was made, but limited; we had to work around her training and competition schedule. She was already in active consultation with a nutritionist, coach, physical therapist, sports psychologist, and psychiatrist; there wasn’t much that more talking could do. We agreed to focus our efforts on the experience itself.
Experience
Three days as an introductory experience to plant medicine. Dosage was light the first day, then much heavier the second. She slept deeply without medication for the first time she can remember. We spent many hours walking and sitting in the forest. Some extremely painful memories were recovered, and much emotion was intensely felt. As a male, during the second journey I become a figure representing violence and fear; there were moments of anguish, which we worked through. It was not easy but the eventual catharsis was significant. When she woke up in the morning she realized that her back pain was gone. I woke up with fairly acute pain in my own back. We developed a routine that she continues to use to help mitigate the anxiety that might otherwise re-trigger the pain, and also help her to sleep more deeply. She could feel the anxiety in her body for the first time, feel it causing her muscles to contract and stiffen; we found a combination of movement and meditation that helps her to notice, accept, and release this tension as it arises.
Integration
We had three calls within the first two weeks after the experience, during which she completely tapered off all medication for pain and anxiety. Sleep medication is still sometimes needed. This was the beginning of her off-season, so there was time to talk and space to make adjustments; we focused on building a regular practice that would be sufficiently robust to carry her through the next year’s cycle of training and competition. She remains as dedicated as expected, and is mindful of the warning signs that require her to take preventative measures. There was a brief crisis mid-season, which we were able to work through with a few calls and a short return to pain medications. The symptoms have been successfully alleviated, and some of their causes have been addressed; we both agree, however, that there is more work to be done. She will return this coming off-season to deepen the process.
Person C
Background
Person C has significant experience with a wide variety of psychedelics, but never in a therapeutic context. Most experience was during a rocky period in late adolescence; he hasn’t experimented with any substances in the past 20 years. He feels that his life is good in most respects, but also that there is something missing. Work is OK, but not fulfilling in a deep sense. His relationship with his partner and kids is good, but seems somehow to be lacking substance. There are problems with communication, and tempers tend to flare far more often than he’d like. His partner is fearful that this experience could trigger a relapse into old, destructive patterns. He is confident that it will not.
He is curious, and eager to engage. We have an insightful conversation about the nature of his difficulties in communication, and their possible causes. He is an avid reader of all things psychological and has a tendency to get lost in abstract theories of the mind. He knows the changes in life that he has to make, but can’t find the emotional commitment to carrying them out; he has a strong but vague sense that some external force is holding him back. His past experiences with psychedelics in a completely different context contribute to what might be a false sense of security; he downplays his partner’s fears, as well as his own.
Preparation
We spoke three times over three weeks, identifying both his motivations and the limitations currently holding him back. He was able to talk with his partner in depth throughout the preparation process, and both of them reached a place of calm excitement.
Experience
Five days’ exploration, though two journeys with plant medicine were enough. We spent much of our time walking in the forest and along the coast. We went swimming and surfing, and camped out for two nights overlooking the ocean. Much of our time was spent processing a sense of sadness and loss, and rekindling joy for the simple things in life. Reconnecting to the body and to emotion. We also focused intently on communication and relationship dynamics, and developed a blueprint for moving forward.
Integration
Two conversations spread out over five months. Life is good. Relationships are good. Work is still work, and of course periodic challenges still arise, but significant change has been made in his relationship with himself and with loved ones. “I am able to connect in a new way, and my frame of mind feels clear and solid. A lot is still being processed, but something big has definitely shifted inside of me.”